事不过三 Three and Out review by Phil Concannon

Shabbily scripted, indifferently directed, and shot with all the grace of an ITV sitcom, Three and Out is an insipid British picture that fails to capitalise on its potentially interesting premise. Making an awkward step into leading man territory, Mackenzie Crook stars as tube driver and frustrated novelist Paul Callow, whose month gets off to a bad start when somebody falls onto the tracks in front of him. A few days later, another unfortunate soul follows suit, and Paul is understandably shaken up by his bad luck; but maybe he isn't as unlucky as he seems. A couple of Paul's colleagues tell him about the "Three and Out" rule, a little-known London Underground policy that offers any driver severance with ten years' pay if they have three fatal accidents within the space of a month. Paul starts searching for a suicidal accomplice to help him achieve this unlikely feat, and he finally finds grouchy Irishman Tommy (Meany), offering him ￡1,500 to spend on the last weekend of his life, as long as he's in the right place at the right time on Monday morning.

This last weekend sees Paul accompanying Tommy as he settles old scores and attempts to mend his relationship with estranged wife Rosemary (Staunton) and daughter Frankie (Arterton). So, instead of really getting to grips with the moral complexities of Paul and Tommy's arrangement, Three and Out takes its characters on a "heartwarming" jaunt around the country which is both emotionally flat and cripplingly unfunny. Jonathan Gershfield's direction is crude (when Paul's train hits the first victim, he cuts straight to a splat of ketchup hitting a plate), and Crook's scrawny shoulders quickly buckle under the weight of a leading role, with his limited range of expression being exhausted within the opening reel. Among the supporting roles, the casting choices range from the bizarre (Anthony Sher as a fey French cannibal!) to the inexplicable (a nails-down-the-blackboard cameo from the ghastly Kerry Katona), although at least we're spared an appearance from Eamonn Holmes, whose name mysteriously appears among the end credits.

The best performances in the film come from Meany and Staunton, both great actors who remain eminently watchable even in a picture as bad as this. They give their roles a touch of depth and dignity, and the fact that their scenes together are cross-cut with the budding relationship between Crook and Arterton only highlights what an anaemic pair the latter are. At this point in the proceedings, however, the film completely grinds to a halt, spending an inordinate amount of time examining Tommy's broken relationships to little effect, and Three and Out never manages to lift itself out of this stupor. An unexpected narrative twist does manage to inject the climactic scenes with a small amount of tension, but that's about the only mild surprise this pitiful picture has to offer.

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